Chrismahanaqwanzaka............Who cares!?! Gimmee!!!

In so not the spirit of the holiday...

Top 10 Christmas Gifts I'd love to get but won't because they are impossible.

10. Clever Snark at my fingertips. Is it so bad to long for a Capotesque wit without all the other Capoteness

9. Raging Titter breaks this guy. Because after hearing him in a coffee house for 10 minutes. I bought his CD.

8. How I Met Your Mother not unceremoniously cancelled. It's going to happen. Just wait. The only thing that will hang on is that awful Julia Louis Dreyfuss mess. And Seinfeld was lame. Yeah, I said it. You read it. I'm up in your precious television memories, killing ur d00ds.

7. Wave Theory to release their fucking album already. Ya Dead.

6. A sci-fi show as consistently interesting and compelling as Quantum Leap.

5. The comedy instincts of an 18 year old girl. Particularly this one. Pero, you know what, she's funnier than me on my best day.

4. Junk Science starts reporting things that are actually uplifting. Global warming isn't real. Great, whatever. "This just in, genie's are real and they really grant wishes. But not like Wishmaster."

3. That moment that takes an idealistic college graduate and turns him into a completely materialistic and driven suit.

2. Death to Baby Boomers!!! Yeah. I'm still on about that.

1. Finally, A job for the suit. Oh and peace on earth and good will and all that Miss America jazz. How come there isn't a Mister America? Just Wondering.

Top 5 Christmas Gifts I'd love to get but I won't because I'm the biggest dork I know.

An Evil Shredder Shirt from Smosh.com

A Large Mug bearing The Overnightscape symbol

The Tiki Bar cap

The Metafilter Compilation Album

Rockabilly Flame Beanie

And that's it baby.

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