Academy Awards Stopped Cold By Cultural 'Terrorists'
The Academy Awards were interrupted last night by a troupe of unknown actors. A group of waiters from Wolfgang Puck's well known restaurant Spago infiltrated the squadron of seat fillers at this years Oscars, Fight Club style. They proceeded to interrupt another forgettable comedy sketch and/or musical number with Shakespeare. The first of these cultural "terrorists" made his way onto the stage and predictably began soulfully reciting Hamlet's soliloquy. The next terrorist, a young lady, began reciting acting class favorite Lady Macbeth's "Out damn spot" monologue. These two were followed by five others, each of whom delivered lines with less and less sincerity. The Finale came when an older member of the "cultural terrorist cell" climbed on stage and began alternately screaming "A pox on both your houses" and "Where's my Oscar".
The insurgents were then removed from the stage by several beautiful women in evening dresses. These women appeared to have specialized military training.
"You haven't lived until you've been tackled by woman in a Prada evening dress and beaten with one of those little gold statues," said one of the actors/waiters/terrorists.
The group was arraigned this morning, summarily found guilty of making a point, and sentenced to "community service by performing exceptionally abstract one person shows."
Martin Scorsese had no comment.