We at Raging Titter are providing this list as a service to those of you who are deeply confused.
1. He was not "Ireland's greatest shake maker".
2. He is not, nor has he ever been, the patron saint of backseat pregnancies.
3. He did not drive "the sober" out of Ireland.
4. He is not the DJ or any other member of the 90s white hip hop group, House Of Pain.
5. He did not secretly write and direct all the Leperchaun movies.
6. He isn't the bro who snagged Kathy Ireland's virginity.
7. He most definitely is not the dude who puked so much green beer into the Chicago River that it stayed green for weeks.
Happy Saint Patricks's Day! Why not celebrate with self respect and dignity!?!